Future customer care (Rev: 1.0)

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Galaxy. May I have your..."

Customer: "Hello, can I order..."

Operator: "Can I have your multi-purpose card number first, Sir ?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold on...889861356102049-998-45-54610."

Operator: "Okay... you are... Mr Jack Ng and you are calling from 43rd Floor, Super View Apartment, RedHill Road, ...your home number is 1234 5678, your office number is 2345 6789 and your mobile number is 01234567890. Which number are you calling from now, Sir ?"

Customer: "Home ! How did you get all my phone numbers ?"

Operator: "We are connected to the system, Sir."

Customer: "May I order your seafood pizza..."

Operator: "That is not a good idea, Sir."

Customer: "How come ?"

Operator: "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and also high cholesterol level, Sir."

Customer: "What ? What do you recommend then ?"

Operator: "Try our low fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You will like it."

Customer: "How do you know for sure ?"

Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library last week, Sir."

Customer: "Okay, I give up... Give me 3 family size ones. How much will that cost ?"

Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is S$100.00."

Customer: "Can I pay by credit card ?"

Operator: "I am afraid that you have to pay by cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you still owe your bank S$10,800.50 since October last year. That does not include the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I think I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your delivery guy arrives..."

Operator: "You can't, Sir. Based on the records, you have reached your daily limit on ATM withdrawal today."

Customer: "Never mind. Just send me the pizzas. I will have the cash ready. How long is it going to take ?"

Operator: "About 45 minutes, Sir. If you can't wait, you can always come and collect it on your scooter..."

Customer: "What !"

Operator: "According to the details in the system, you own a Lambretta 1969 Vintage Scooter, registration number KPE 3456..."

Customer: "???"

Operator: "Is there anything else, Sir ?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottle of Coca Cola as advertised ?"

Operator: "We normally would, Sir. However, based on your records, you are also diabetic..."

Customer: "Ahh...#$$^%&$@$%^"

Operator: "Please mind your language, Sir. Remember on the 11th November 1986, you were convicted for using abusive language on a policeman who stopped you for speed driving along RedHill road. In fact, you were driving a 1973 Ambassador bearing registration number PIE 4267..."

Customer: [Fainted !!!]