Technical support request (Rev: 1.0)

Dear Technical Support,

Last year, I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all the other system activities. Applications such as PokerNight 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but the uninstall does not work on Wife 1.0.

Please help. Thank you.

- Bewildered


Dear Bewildered,

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything.

WARNING !
Do not try to uninstall, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. Trying to uninstall Wife 1.0 can be a disaster. Doing so may destroy your hardisk drive. Trying to uninstall or remove Wife 1.0 will destroy valuable system resources. You can not go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

Please look in your manual under the "Warnings - Alimony/Child Support". Others have tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 in the background while Wife 1.0 is running. Eventually, Wife 1.0 detects Girlfriend 1.0 and a system conflict occurs. This can lead to a non-recoverable system crash. Some users have tried to download similiar products such as Flirt 1.0 and oneNightStand 1.0. Often their systems have become infected with a virus. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I suggest that you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPF). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action is to enter the command "apologize" as soon as lockup occurs so that the system will return back to normal.

System will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPF. Wife 1.0 is a great program and it comes with several supporting programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful on how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING !
Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

- Technical Support